Every relationship is different, but if one of you brings any trauma to the situation, there is a high risk that, at some point, you will experience trauma triggers.
These trauma triggers can be related to any relationship you may have had in the past or, any experience you may have had in the past, things that occurred when you were growing up, or even things that occurred within the last few years.
However, the way you deal with these triggers when they manifest in a current relationship can make or break that relationship.
How to Deal with Trauma Triggers in a Relationship
So, what are the best ways to deal with trauma triggers in a relationship?
Communicate with Your Partner or Spouse
One of the best ways to figure out how to deal with trauma triggers in a relationship is to communicate with your spouse or partner.
Far too often, people who are triggered tend to turn inward, trying to mask the trigger or otherwise cover it up. This, however, can lead to a lot of hurt feelings and misunderstandings within a relationship and cause layers of detriment.
For example:
Tiffany was previously married to a man who turned out to be very abusive and had problems drinking. After ten years of being involved in that abusive relationship, she was finally able to get out.
About ten years later, she remarried, and on the night of her honeymoon, she was triggered. Tiffany was overwhelmed by a panic attack, pulled away from her new spouse, and went into the hotel bathroom to cry.
Her new husband, Roger, was very confused and concerned for his wife.
In this example, Tiffany is dealing with a trauma trigger in her relationship, but that trigger relates to a previous relationship, and in examples like the night of the honeymoon, she can choose to openly communicate with her partner or spouse, or she can leave them in the dark. If she leaves Roger in the dark, he won’t understand what’s happening or why, and he will likely take it very personally.
If she is willing to talk to him and he is willing to listen, despite any discomfort, Roger might learn that in her previous marriage, on her previous honeymoon, the abusive ex-husband she had told her that getting married was a mistake and he didn’t want to be with her anymore so unbeknownst to Tiffany, she had a panic attack that her new husband would say the same.
Set Boundaries
If you are like Tiffany, you should also set boundaries relating to your trauma. For example:
Tiffany is triggered if she is held down or feels trapped. So when her husband Roger wants to give her a big bear hug or cuddle in bed, it can trigger her.
In this example, it is up to Tiffany to set boundaries, politely explaining and communicating to her husband that she loves him and is open to hugs and cuddling, but only in certain ways. She might also use a phrase to indicate that she is feeling triggered and that he needs to let go, move, or adjust.
Practice Self-Care
Self-care is important when you experience triggers. As a woman, learning how to deal with trauma triggers in a relationship means taking care of yourself while also being open and communicative with a partner or spouse.
This can include setting time aside to do things that you like if you are feeling triggered, such as:
- Reading a favorite book
- Meditating
- Doing yoga
- Listening to music
Knowing what your triggers are is important. However, you may not know what they all are until it happens, and in that moment, you’ll need to have a self-care routine that you can fall back on to give you a sense of control and help you regulate your emotional responses.
Get Help When You Need It
There may be times when open communication and support within your relationship is not enough. If you have unresolved trauma, especially as a woman, it can interfere with all of your relationships, especially if you have PTSD, anxiety, or depression disorders.
If your triggers are related to unprocessed trauma, the best thing you can do for yourself and your relationship is to get help when you need it.
Trauma-Informed Care with Casa Serena
At Casa Serena, we provide women’s inpatient trauma treatment. Our program in Southern California provides inpatient treatment specifically for women, by women. We run a residential treatment center that offers care for addiction and mental health, using a trauma-informed approach to our methodologies.
This type of trauma-informed care gives women an opportunity to step aside from the environment that might trigger them and focus entirely on their recovery without the risk of re-traumatization.
If you are ready to get help, reach out to our team today.
